never play flip cup with pint glasses
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
