I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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