At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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