it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
