blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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