Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
