I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
