Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
