Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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