guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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