New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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