having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
