you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
