Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
