the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
