I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
