you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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