I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
