I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
