Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
