ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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