p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
