I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
