I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
