I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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