I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
