Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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