My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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