I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
