You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
