So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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