forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
