but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
