shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
