Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
