the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
