every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
