shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
