You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
