marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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