I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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