I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
