Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
