Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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