I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
