The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
