i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
