Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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