3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
