saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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