A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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